Punta Gorda Seventh-day Adventist Church

Scripture: (Psa 4:4 NKJV)  Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still. Selah

 

Observation: This is one of the first of Dasvid’s many psalms.  It is a ple or prayer for safety for the faithful.

 

Application: I chose to entitle my words today “Anger Management” and not “Anger Suppression,” “Anger Elimination,” “Denial of Anger,” “Absence of Anger,” or any other name that would indicate that anger should not exist.  Anger is a normal emotion, one that even God experiences.  And while God’s anger may be different than ours, it is still anger.  David writes, “O LORD, do not rebuke me in Your anger, Nor chasten me in Your hot displeasure” (Psa 6:1 NKJV).

     We need to accept anger as a normal emotion; but we need to learn how to manage it in a healthy way so that it does not become sin, and so that it causes no harm to anyone.  According to marriage researcher and therapist John Gottman, during the heat of an argument with their spouse husbands tend to “flood” faster.  By flooding he means that the blood “rises to the head” and prevents more “rational” thinking.  Maybe this explains why so much of anger in men develops into physical abuse.  When some  men feel anger rising, they retaliate against the person they feel is causing them to get that way – for instance, their wife.  One of the things we recommend is that when either spouse begins to feel “flooded,” that they take a time out.  The key, however, is to make sure there is a time limit to that time out as opposed to an open-ended break.  For instance, as the discussion begins to heat up, the husband may say, “I need to take a time out; please give me an hour and we can sit down and talk about this and try to resolve it.”  Gottman’s research shows that it takes at least twenty minutes for a person to calm down  when they’re in the middle of a discussion (as measured by their body reactions such as pulse, heart rate, etc.).  To simply walk away would cause more harm as the wife feels like the issue has not been resolved and is not being “stonewalled’ by her husband.  But a timed time out can help both calm down, give them time to think about their own contribution to the issue at hand, and maybe come up with some possible solutions or compromises.

    May use relaxation techniques – breathing, going for a walk, meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, listening to soft music, taking a warm shower, etc., to help them calm down before resuming the conversation.

     Denial or suppression of anger won’t make it go away and will cause more harm to the relationship than dealing with the issue in a constructive way.  So go ahead and  be angry, if the case warrants it, but deal with it in a healthy way, and do not sin against your spouse, your children, other people, or God.

 

A Prayer You May Say: Father, thank You for anger.  Thank You for the anger that makes us act in the face of unfairness, injustice, evil, and sin.  Help us, Father, to manage it in a healthy way that we may not become instruments of pain and destruction but agents of peace and healing.